Not everything that glitters is gold.

Roses will only last a couple of weeks and that is if you leave them in water. They really only exist to be a decoration and just to look pretty. So it is like saying, “My love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance.”

A potato, however, will last forever. In fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow sprouts of roots by just leaving them in a sack. That part alone makes it a good symbol. But there is more. There are so many ways to enjoy a potato. As an example, it can be used as an energy source. That is like saying, “I have many ways in which I show my love for you.”

And potatoes may be ugly, but they are still much more amazing than a rose. And that is like saying, “It does not matter at all what you look like, I will still love you.”

The Ugly Truth

Although I say, "I am allergic to bullshit." I doubt that people actually are truthful to what they say. It is hard to believe that there is a person in the world that is completely honest. No one can fit the criteria of being an honest person because at one point in their life they have deceived and withheld the truth. The truth be told, no bullshit whatsoever, honesty is just an unattainable trait. But not being able to attain this trait completely does not mean that you have to go on with your life living with dishonesty. Always do your best to be as truthful as possible. I am telling you right now, do not dig yourself one big hole that you will have a hard time getting out of. I have experienced this first hand with people giving me bullshit EVERY-fucking-TIME. Do not be one of them.

You might tell yourself, "I would never do that!" but think about it. You have lied to a buddy, your parents, maybe even yourself, and so on. All that complication and stress to either hide something you are too afraid to reveal or just for your own personal gain. It is just not worth it. Why deprive yourself of a great human experience? Again, just be as honest as possible. The truth hurts but a sugar coated lie is much worse.

This is a proven fact, no bullshit. If you tell me it is not then I will bet $100 for you to introduce me to a person that has been completely honest his whole life.

Pensive Thoughts

There are times when I wish the people I know personally do not or did not read what I write. Because sometimes the input given to me by people does not come from the heart and as I have told everyone, I am allergic to bullshit. Having to share my thoughts with a stranger and have them relate to it feels like a much more different connection. A better one. A real one. My real thoughts are stored in my head and this blog for a reason. They just do not roll off my tongue as easy as writing them into tangible words and sentences. But it's sad, some people judge me for the way I think. Well, who are you to judge? Just because you know me does not mean you know every little thing about me.

More ranting..

It has been 8 months since we bought the house and 6 months since we started working on it. This sucks. I have not gone to school or gone out for the past two weeks. Those hectic weeks have drained me. I really wish my uncle did not screw us over. FUCK HIM. God, you are going to get yours one day. Karma is bitch, you know. I do not mind helping but damn 15 hours of work everyday is not acceptable. But it is what it is. Like my parents and brothers told me, "You are the back bone of the family without you helping we do not get anywhere." Man, oh man. Expectations again..

Even more ranting...

I have been a walking zombie this past week or so. I have not had a good night's sleep ever since this crazy schedule started. I have been getting headaches after waking up. It's irritable. I just hope it does not reach my boiling point. It's when I get annoyed and angry at every little thing, because I just feel miserable that happens. I need to cool off and get out of the house this weekend. Maybe do something today, who knows.

“Practice without theory leads to confusion, while theory without practice is just empty knowledge.”

Education has been an essential part of life a lot of kids are taking for granted nowadays. I did, I fucked it up so much. I knew the bad I was doing, but I did not do anything to change me. And it became worse and worse every day until I finally broke destroyed the chain with one year left in high school, but the problem I had was I did it too late. It is always going to be a chip on my shoulder not being able to graduate high school. I will always have something to prove to my family and to the world.

I know I flunked but I learned some things. For example, there are some students that think “If I learn these and get good grades I will not have to worry because I will get into a good school and be set.” Yeah, sure that’s good. But once they are asked to do something practical, they cannot. You know why? Because they assume all the things written in the book is all they need. The book does not provide everything. You may be a theorist but it is not enough to be one when you are out on the field. And for the practitioners, it is vice-versa. They know how to work and they are handy, but they do not have much knowledge on what they are doing, but from what they are told.

What I am trying to say is, being too textbook or too practical is not going to help you with life. To succeed, you must know what you are doing but know how to do it. Learn it and practice it.

My thoughts are all jumbled up and I do not know if I made any sense at all. Forgive me.

That is sexy.

Sexy is when you have the capabilities of having an intellectual conversation with me and you keep me on my toes while sharing a piece of that mind. It is when you show everyone around you that swag you have but you are still humble about it. Sexy is when you give me that loving feeling in the pit of my stomach if we have not seen each other in a while, and run up to hug me but do not want to let go. Sexy is also when you teach me new things, and when you share things that you have never shared with another living soul before. And the sexiest thing is having goals set for yourself and wanting to obtain them. That is what sexy is.

Good Times?

What happened to the good old fun? Partying? Drinking? Drugs? No thanks. I was told by others that I do those. Well, excuse you, but I do not do that shit. I am sorry for not meeting your expectations. As Oscar Wilde said assuming makes an ass out of you and me. I am proud to say that I am above the influence. Will I ever drink? Probably, once I am older. Underage drinking is just very stupid. I mean, do you really call that being mature? Will I ever do drugs? No, never. I already have asthma and I do not want to die early. Will I ever party? No, it is a very uncomfortable place to be in which happens to be a place where drinking and getting high happens too. No, I am not being an asshole or a party pooper. Well, maybe an asshole but I am being real.

I will never be cut for partying, drinking and/or drug use. Just give me a good company that can keep a conversation going and I am happy. Whatever happened to that kind of fun? Just being with a group of people and having good vibes. The simple things, you know?

Well, that is just me. I just wanted write and clear my head. But thanks for reading, you can go on with your party hardy life now.

Saint Valentine

Valentine's Day is just a few days away. There are a lot of people that detest this day, but I am not one of them. I do not want to be bitter and ruin that day for the people that celebrate it.

I have never celebrated Valentine's Day. I have never had a Valentine, and I do not feel the need to ask someone to be my Valentine. I already have love around me and one day out of the whole year does not change the fact that I do. Love shows itself to me everyday and reveals itself in many different ways; through the continuous blessings bestowed upon me by God everyday frickin' day of my life, the never ending support I get from my parents and older brother, the laughs I share with my friends, the heartfelt kindness of my family, and so on. God, my family, and friends are the love of my life and always number one in my heart, it sounds cliché but it is true, nothing will ever change that.

Valentine's Day does not always have to be just showing love to your boyfriend or girlfriend but do so to anyone. And to the couples everyone that celebrates Valentine's Day, I respect that. To the couples, congratulations on finding each other. You must continue to love each other even when Valentine's Day have passed. Never take each other for granted. All I am trying to say is that love is not a one-time deal.

Spoiled

You think you are not pretty. There is always someone uglier. You want more money. People are in poverty. You want a boyfriend. Someone does not even have parents. You are hungry. A child is starving to death. You want to go to the mall. Someone is looking for anything just to stay warm. You are chilly. Others are frozen. You just want to die. Most people want to live. So do not waste your time on things that you think you want because there is always someone out there who needs it much more than you could ever possibly know.

"It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew."

It takes two people to form and build a relationship. If someone walks out on you, blaming should not be your first reaction. You may have not given them a reason to stick with you. It could be that you changed, drastically, for the worse and they got tired of trying to talk you out of it, but you never really realized that until they left. If you want them back, you can try your hardest to make them return. But after such evaluation on the matter, there is nothing much you could do if they give up on you, but be strong enough to let that person go. No matter how much you love them. Sure it is sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew, but it is even more sad to see a person continue to hold onto something that the other person let go of a long time ago.

A Long Road Ahead

Yesterday, I was sat down by my parents to talk. We did. We talked about what my goals were, what I want to be doing in the near future, etc. All in all, about my future.

I was not so sure what to tell them but I did not want to give a BS answer. But I told them that I was not so sure what the future holds with what I have accomplished so far. I destroyed my education and it is frustrating. Although I am doing my best to get back on track and finish continuing education, it is not the same as graduating in a real school, with my class, with my pals. Of course, I will not be able to experience that anymore. I will not be able to have that feeling of satisfaction and achievement after working so hard during my high school years to graduate. I know I could have done better and since this is life there is no option to retry. There will always be this chip on my shoulder that will never go away for not being able to graduate high school. The only Urcia that did not graduate which is quite a disappointment, but I am ready to prove them that I can succeed even though I am uninspired, I am determined.

In order to succeed I was told that I needed to start new without any distractions. And they gave me propositions. Three of them.

• Stay in the States to study with minimal help but many distractions.


• Stay in the States but enlist to the Navy or Air Force.


• Fly back to the Philippines to start fresh with minimal distractions and help from many relatives.

I know I will not survive in the Navy or Air Force which is why I am leaning towards the other two more, but I am torn between the two because I am settled here and do not want to start over, but then again, it is my future that is more important. Five years is not that long, is it? I do not know anymore.. What do I do?

Late Night Thoughts

New, shiny, glamorous things. You buy those things and you keep them clean. You take care of them, better than the other things you have. You keep them in a special pocket, away from the other things that are not as good as the new “thing” you have. But then, you scratch it once. Then it happens again, and again, and again. Soon, it loses its meaning and you do not care about them anymore. You stop keeping them in your special pocket, but instead, you throw them with the rest of your ordinary things. The things that have surpassed that glamor and form and became nothing but waste.

Your friends are like that. At first, they are trustworthy, loyal, and precious to you. You meet them, talk to them, and keep them clean. You keep them in our special pocket separated from the rest of the world. Once again, you scratch them once for your personal gain. They forgive you, but then you take advantage and do it again, and again, and again. But because those friends of yours are loyal they forgive you. And once those friends of yours have served for your purpose, you ignore their very existence like the useless things you have.

High School Life

1. New school semester:


2. At the first week:


3. At the second week:


4. Before the mid-term test:


5. During the mid-term test:


6. After the mid-term test:


7. Before the final exam:


8. Once know the final exam schedule:


9. 7 days before final exam:


10. 6 days before final exam:


11. 5 days before final exam:


12. 4 days before final exam:


13. 3 days before final exam:


14. 2 days before final exam:


15. 1 day before final exam:


16. A night before final exam:


17. 1 hour before final exam:


18. During the final exam:


19. Once walk out from the exam hall:


20. After the final exam, during the holiday:

Intervening

I try not to meddle with other people’s personal problems nowadays. I just do not want any of their problems because I have my own. But one way or another, I still end up trying to help them out. If you do ask for my advice, follow them. Or do not ask at all. However, if you took my advice and followed them, in return, if things do not go as planned. I get the “I told you. I should not have done that. You fucked it up for me.” crap. They pin the blame on me. If you are going to do that, you might as well not ask me for any advice either.

Do not say I love you "too"

By saying “I love you too” meant saying “I love you because you love me.” That is not what love is supposed to be right? You are not supposed to love someone just because they love you. Love is supposed to be about loving someone with every fiber and atom in your body because for some weird reason, you just cannot see yourself with anybody else. Love is just love. No “too’s” and no “but’s.”

Greed and Materialism

People are fucking out of their minds. I look at the world around me and no one is ever satisfied with what they have and who they have. There are so many people in the world with nothing at all. Do you ever think of those starving homeless people in the streets? Or the people in Africa trying to survive the chaos? Yes, I talk about Africa because like I said all the bullshit we have is just the size of a pinky compared to theirs. What a shame. We can give so much but all you think about is yourselves. Actually, we do not even have to give so much, just enough but it will not happen because of greediness. And yes, that includes me too but I do not ask for so much. People are obsessed with things that will be rarely used but bought because it is pretty on the outside, but really as shallow as the shore of a beach. Such shallow minds but it is what it is. There are some people that asked me, “So, is it bad to reward yourself?” No, it is not. But it is once you indulge yourself with buying all the useless crap every time you reward yourself. All this material shit will fade and be destroyed in time. You know it. Nothing material lasts forever. But all the little things, the intangibles, the things you can never buy; they will last a long time and never fade such as family, knowledge, wisdom, etc. no matter the adversity. I am going to end it with this. Try finding balance in your life because if buying all these things completes you and fulfills you then you are lost.

Free Lifetime Service?

I am not your babysitter, not your technical support, not your maid, not customer service, not your father, I am not a doormat and most definitely not your fucking slave. I am your friend.

I am tired of it. I am tired of people using me for their personal gain. Everyone wants or needs something from me. I do not need to help you even though I can. But why do I do it? Because helping people satisfies me. Nothing feels better than making someone happy or seeing someone smile for the good I have done, but what do those people do to me? They fucking take advantage and push their luck. It’s fucking ridiculous, I can only take so much bullshit, you know? Even toilets can’t take so much shit, but once it does it clogs up and overflows.

When close friends ask for help, I do not mind helping them. Hey, I am happy to be able to help them. That is just how my mind has been set. More often than not I help a friend in need. I just wish I was to be cared for too. I do not ask for much but everyone is too fucking selfish to give anything.

Whenever it is me that has troubles and I know a certain person that can help me, they make up some lame ass excuse for not being able to help. How disappointing. No one ever gives back. I give, give, give while all you people fucking do is take, take, and take some more. Well, you know what? There is nothing left for me.

That Girl

There’s something to be said about a girl who can outshine all others without makeup, expensive dresses, or high heels. She shouldn’t be afraid to get a grass stain on her clothes every now and then. She should be graceful in her steps and careful with her priorities. Public affection should be something she anticipates, and she shouldn’t mind holding hands, being caressed, and an occasional kiss.

Not afraid to show her true colors, she should be assertive and inspiring. Creativity should flow through her every thought and act as a fingerprint to everything she does. Her curiosity should never settle. She should be anxious to learn and eager to teach.

She should be generous, never reluctant to give love, advice, and piece of mind wherever it is needed. A victim of chivalry, she should be taken by surprise when she least expects it and satisfied when she most desires it. A girl. Special. Unique. Loving. Honest. Faithful. Confident in herself, with a bit of reliance on something that makes her feel complete. She should be beautiful, but not in the way the world expects her to be.

Most importantly, she should be herself. And she will be loved.

How To Install Love

Tech Support: Hello … how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install
Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you
located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running ?

Customer: Let’s see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge
and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt
from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will
eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High
Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and
Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.
Can you turn those off ?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that
normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get
the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error
- Program not run on external components.” What should I do?

Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set
up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In
non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before
you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the
following files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your
Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the “My Heart” directory. The
system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty
programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all
directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely
gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but
eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed
and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure
to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in
turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer: Thank you, God.

Jealousy

No one is immune to it. Everyone will be jealous once in their life, maybe a lot more than most people. If you have never been jealous then that is bullshit. It is like telling water not to be wet. Jealousy could be one of the most disgusting emotions ever. It can consume you, it usually always does. So sometimes you turn into your other emotions and they do the damage from there. Goodness, I just wish this feeling never existed. I fucking hate it.

For The Guys

This is for all the nice guys. The ones that always seem to finish last and more often than not, stay in the friend zone. The ones who never turn their back on a female friend in need. The ones that always provide a shoulder to lean on. This is for the guys that endure the endless whining and bitching about how much guys are assholes. This is to honor the guys who sacrifice and put away their own feelings for the sake and happiness of the girl they like. This is for the guys that stop whatever they’re doing just to hear her rant about how bad her day went. This is for the guys that know she will not be listening to your advice but you give it anyway just because. This is for the guys that escort their wasted female friends home but never take advantage. For the guys that know his female friend is fishing for compliments, but you give it anyway because every girl needs that litany of support. This is to honor the guys that are credited as REAL boyfriend material but somehow ends up not being one. To all the guys that are used, underestimated, unappreciated, misled, manipulated, overlooked, and abandoned, this is for you.

This is for those times she did not have a date to a party and used you as the last resort. Dragging you to a party where you knew no one. Even though you were not comfortable, you went anyway because you’re nice like that. This is for the times you two were supposed to hang out but she flaked out because she was too lazy or not in the mood, but it was all okay with you because it is her.

The nice guys never get the credit they deserve. I just wish I could carve this understanding in everyone’s head, but it is just not possible. From what I have observed girls can be heartless, manipulative bitches. I am not saying they all are but they all have a tendency to be like that. Many of those girls state that they want a nice guy to court them, but when presented this species, they say irrational bullshit such as “He is too nice to date.” or “He would be a good one but not for me.” or worst of all; “It would just ruin our friendship.” Just something I can never understand. Bunch of total bullshit, seriously.

I am sure of this. There are girls out there that know not to take the nice guys for granted. The tricky part though is finding them and finding one that is actually single.

In conclusion, I take my hat off to all the nice guys. You all know who you are and I know you are sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. The world does not realize how important you are. For all the insane, absurd things you have tolerated, I salute you.

The Little Things

Ever had someone that did not give two fucks about what you did for them? For example, sharing them some food or lending them something you own. Just those little things, the tiny bit of thoughtfulness that most people take for granted. In return for your kindness they give you that, “I do not need this shit right now. You are doing the most inappropriate things during the most inappropriate times.”

If that was me, I would be thankful. Yes, I probably will not look like it at that certain time but I will be forever grateful. It may be the littlest thing, a simple hug or hello could do so much. If I do not like what you have given me, still, thank you. It is still greatly appreciated.

The little things in life. Why cannot it be appreciated by everyone? I do little things, because I know I cannot do the big ones. Yet the little things I do are not appreciated? Even though it is all that I have, and all that I could give.

I am not asking for anything in return either.

Thinking and Observing

I look around and I see an army of fake people. Majority of the people only loves a certain human being because they got something or someone has done them good, but once that certain human being is not capable of doing so much anymore, they drift away. They ignore that person’s existence. If not, they will talk a lot of shit.

Take this for example. It may only be a story to you right now but it has probably happened somewhere in the world:

“There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, ‘Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?’ The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him.

Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying….. ‘Just take care of my eyes dear.’”

Yeah, it is some lovey-dovey type of crap and it is cruel, but more often than not that is just how it works. Although it is never ever acceptable to do that to a person especially your parents, it happens anyway. That is why sometimes being nice is not such a good thing anymore because a lot of people can take advantage even the closest and dearest ones to you.

People complain all the time about not getting what they wanted and then rebel. They act like the the world is ending. And it gets very irritating. Well, guess what? You probably do not deserve what you asked for, or maybe you demanded it instead of asking nicely which caused the person not to give it you. And yes, I do not exclude myself from this. I, too, complain but never in the world would I “act” nice and fake to anyone and rebel to get what I want. I will ask nicely and sincerely if it is possible, but If I do not get it, I say “thank you for trying” and just let it go, you know? Sometimes those people that has helped you countless of times actually need the recognition even if they have failed you a few times. Give credit where it is due.The others have feelings too, and it is not always going to be about you.

I just wish I could do something to strengthen the good qualities of the people in the world but that is so impossible, no matter how much I try.

And for those people that have gone through this, like me. No one deserves to be treated that way. So even if you love someone with your entire heart and they have mistreated you, but still want to help them so badly, you need to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.

Supporting Cast

I always play that little role in everyone’s life; one of the supporting casts. I do the smallest things, the things that matter, but they are pushed away and taken for granted because majority of society has been blinded by shoes, cars, clothes and money. And it sucks but what can I do?

I have never had the lead role, but never once grumbled about it. I feel like I am better off on the sidelines. I never did mind if I was pushed around and taken advantage of. Even when I came to a resolution that I will not let anyone do so. It still feels like people are still doing it, but no matter because I tell myself, “I have done something good. I am happy to help and made someone happy then it’s an accomplishment. But when they realize all the things I have done for them and want to finally thank me, it’s not possible because I will be long gone.” One day people will, they will appreciate me, but until then, I have to endure all the ungrateful people.